


Back to Black

by ImACatWithABat



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Period-Typical Homophobia, Reggie-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), but not enough, just a little comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImACatWithABat/pseuds/ImACatWithABat
Summary: Five times that Reggie thought about death, and one time that Luke did. This is very Reggie-centric, and kinda a character study.
Relationships: Alex & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Reggie, Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms) - Relationship, if you squint
Comments: 4
Kudos: 117





	Back to Black

**Author's Note:**

> ATTENTION: This fic has a scene where one of the characters almost attempts suicide. Please skip the “Age 16“ section if that will bother you.
> 
> I hope you like this, I worked pretty hard on it. I just needed a place to put all my angsty thoughts about JATP, and thus, this was born. Enjoy!

Age 7

Sometimes Reggie thinks what happened when you died. It’s not unheard of for a child to wonder where their Grandpa is when he was there one day, and gone the next. Reggie’s parents gloss over the subject whenever it’s brought up, and he’s left with more questions then he had before. But no matter how curious Reggie gets about dying, he knows he can’t ask about it. When you’re labelled as lazy, dumb, and a trouble-maker, it’s impossible to get answers. At home, if he puts one toe out of line, he stands in a time-out until he’s ready to fall asleep on his feet. At school, the teacher hears Reggie’s question, and opens her mouth in shock. Then, she tells him to be quiet and listen to the lesson. Kids don’t ask hard questions. That’s rule number one.

Age 12

Your heart stops beating. Your lungs stop breathing. Your brain activity stops. One moment you’re there, and the next, you’re deader than a doornail. Science class helps with the scientific definition of death.  
You stop thinking. You stop feeling. Everything around you is gone. One day in english, the class talks about their beliefs of the afterlife. No one knows what’s on the other side of the darkness. And Reggie’s always been frightened of the dark.  
It’s in seventh grade when his cousin dies in a car crash. It was so sudden, and Jess was only a few years older than he was. He’s still a kid, but even Reggie knows that nineteen is too young to die. The whole event is a stark contrast to when his grandpa passed. Grandpa spent months hooked up to a million cords, and when they visited, he could at least say “hi”. When his mother and father rushed him to the hospital for Jess, everything was a blur. It all happened so fast, and she wasn’t even awake to say “goodbye”. The only similarity was the flat-line at the end. One deafening sound that drowned out the silence and screaming.

Age 16

After middle school, Reggie reflects on death a lot less. It’s not until he’s almost done with sophomore year when he has another encounter with the reaper. This one hurts more and less than the others. More, because it’s Alex. Less, because Alex survives.  
Band practice is at Alex’s house that day. It had become rarer and rarer to rehearse at the drummer’s house since he came out to his parents. Even though the band had been cool with it, Alex’s mom and dad had been nothing but cold since he’d told them. Threatening everything from boarding school to disownment. Their house was always silent, and band practice was never quiet.  
Reggie’s in a good mood when he knocks on Alex’s front door. His mother opens the door, and gives him a forced smile. It’s hard to grin at a woman who’s brought so much pain to his best friend, but he smiles back politely. He pulls his bass back over his shoulder, and starts walking towards Alex’s room. He’s the first one there, which is almost unheard of. Usually everyone’s waiting for Reggie, but this time, he’ll be able to gloat. He shoves open the bedroom door, and calls out for his friend. Instead of lying on his bed like usual, Alex is nowhere to be seen. Reggie can see the bathroom light on across the hall, so he waits for a few minutes for Alex to come out. He doesn’t. Reggie walks down the hall, and knocks on the bathroom door. No one answers. Reggie’s worried now, and he announces he’s coming in before cracking open the door.   
Alex is sitting next to the sink with a bottle of Advil in his hands. His bright eyes are now red and dull from crying, and Reggie almost can’t believe it’s him. Reggie drops to the tiled floor, and grabs the bottle from his friend's hand. Once the pills are far away from Alex, Reggie pulls the drummer close, and just holds him. There’s a short eternity of hugs and crying before Luke and Bobby show up. Reggie and Alex wipe the tears from their eyes and walk out to greet their bandmates. Neither of them will ever bring it up again.

Age 17

Reggie was the only one of his friends still living at their parent’s home. Alex had been kicked out when his parents walked in on him and Luke holding each other a little too closely. Luke had run away when his mom and dad didn’t want their teenage son in a rock band. Bobby’s parents were on some cruise, and he was staying at the garage where they practiced, just like Alex and Luke.   
Reggie wondered how much longer he’d survive in his house. Between the non-stop yelling and occasional shattering of glass, it was a race between the reaper and moving out. He honestly didn’t know which one would win.

Age 17 (Again)

About five minutes after finishing the street dog, Reggie gets a sinking feeling in his gut. He dismisses it as anxiety about playing the Orpheum, but some part of him must realize it’s a sense of his upcoming doom. After all, Reggie’s spent a good amount of his life thinking about death. It’d be ironic if he didn’t think about his own.  
He’s walking to the dressing rooms with Alex and Luke in the alleyway when it happens. He starts grinning and he can’t stop. Funny how that works, Reggie’s the comedic relief to the lives of those around him, and he’s going to die with a smile on his face. After the smiling starts, his jaw locks up, and it’s getting harder and harder to speak. Alex and Luke are having trouble too, and when Luke stumbles into Reggie for comfort, Reggie falls to the ground. He can’t see anything, but he hears screaming. He falls asleep for a couple minutes, and a pretty girl is standing over him. She’s wearing a Sunset Curve shirt, so she must be a fan. She tells him someone’s called an ambulance, and he should try to stay awake. He tries to mumble something about Luke and Alex, but she doesn’t understand him. Reggie lets his head fall, and he sees Luke to his left, looking no better than Reggie feels. It’s clear that Luke’s also ill, but he’s conscious. Reggie hopes that Luke’ll be okay. Everyone in the band was close, but Luke was Reggie’s best friend. When Alex and Luke had split, it was Reggie that Luke went to, and Reggie had to push down any feeling he had to comfort his friend. Reggie’s never really believed in a higher power, but he prays to any gods listening that Luke is okay.  
The last thing Reggie remembers is red and blue. It’s not a bad last impression, because red’s his favorite color, and blue is Luke’s. How fitting. He’s trying to hold on, just a little bit longer, but he can’t breathe any longer, and his face is still locked in a familiar grin.

Age 17 (Luke)

Luke never expected to live forever. He was a firm believer in the saying, “here for a good time, not a long one,” but he never thought he’d take down Alex and Reggie with him. Both of his friends were lying next to him, and paramedics were swarming between them. Luke reached out a hand to Alex. He and Alex had some good times, and bad ones. But they wouldn’t let the other get hurt if it killed them. Alex looked at Luke, and said something incomprehensible. Luke was able to make out one word: Reggie. He pulled his arm away, and looked towards the bassist. Reggie couldn’t have been fully conscious, his eyes were glazed over and red. His mouth was open in the widest smile Luke had ever seen. It was frightening how someone in so much pain could have such a big grin on their face. Luke grabbed Reggie’s arm, but his oldest friend wasn’t responding anymore. Reggie was shaking, and shaking, and seizing, and Luke wanted to yell at the paramedics to get him to stop. If only it could stop. He had never felt as helpless as he did in that ambulance, just watching and waiting for death.  
A ringing sound poured out of a machine, and a static line went flat. Reggie had stopped shaking, but his face was still twisted in that unearthly smile. The paramedics rushed to Reggie, and tried to find any sign of life.  
“Time of death: 8:34p.m.,”. An official looking woman said.  
A white sheet was rolled over his best friend’s face, and Reggie finally stopped smiling.


End file.
